Beyond the Script: Deconstructing Mononormativity to Reclaim Embodied, Erotic, and Equal Relating

What You Will Learn:

1. An understanding of mono-normativity as a cultural construction, not a natural law
2. The ability to identify and deconstruct relational scripts using TA concepts (ego states, life positions, injunctions, drivers)
3. Tools for somatic tracking of power, accommodation, and fear in the consulting room
4. A framework for sexual agency—the capacity to desire from within, say yes, and say no
5. Skills in holding equal regard for diverse relationship structures
6. Confidence in working with neurodivergent, asexual, and LGBTQ+ clients
7. Revised assessment questions that surface hidden contracts and authentic desires
8. A structured approach to religious and cultural nuance in relationship work

Who Should Attend?

This workshop is designed for qualified psychotherapists, counsellors, and relationship therapists who:

1. Encounter clients struggling with low desire, dead bedrooms, or relational dissatisfaction
2. Wish to work more competently with clients in non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships
3. Want to move beyond default scripts toward more nuanced, client-centred practice
4. Are curious about their own relational templates and how these shape their clinical work
5. Work with LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, or asexual/aromantic clients
6. Practice in psychosexual therapy, couples therapy, or general psychotherapy

Key Themes Covered:

1. What is mono-normativity? Defining the invisible template
2. A rapid history: where did the “couple” come from?
3. The three pillars: Power, Eros, and Equity
4. Transactional Analysis overlay: Cultural and family scripts, injunctions, and drivers
5. Embodied power: somatic manifestations of accommodation and fear
6. Differentiation and fusion: the fear of being truly seen
7. Sexual agency: distinguishing desire from compliance
8. The “equality trap”: why equal ≠ same
9. Relational diversity: monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, relationship anarchy, and monogamish
10. Neurodivergence, asexuality, and compulsory sexuality
11. Religion, culture, and class: how structural factors shape relational scripts
12. Clinical toolkit: revised assessment questions for hidden contracts
13. The therapist’s own script: self-reflection and supervision needs

Learning Outcomes:

By the end of this training, participants will be able to:

1. Trace how mono-normativity was historically constructed and culturally reinforced
2. Identify the “impossible brief”—the expectation that one person can meet all needs
3. Recognise somatic manifestations of power, accommodation, and fear in themselves and clients
4. Define sexual agency and distinguish it from compliance, performance, or duty
5. Hold equal regard for clients in diverse relationship structures
6. Revise assessment questions to surface hidden relational contracts
7. Map their own inherited relational templates and identify areas for self-reflection
8. Apply TA concepts (ego states, life positions, injunctions, drivers) to relational scripts

Delivery Style:

This interactive workshop combines didactic teaching, clinical case discussions, small-group exercises, reflective writing, somatic awareness practices, and large-group synthesis. Participants will work with two detailed clinical vignettes—”The Low Desire Couple” and “The Couple in a Conservative Religious Community”—to apply learning in real-world scenarios.

Important Note:

This workshop contains material that may be personally challenging, including reflection on participants’ own relational and erotic templates. The training is grounded in clinical compassion, self-reflexivity, and equal regard. Participants are encouraged to engage at a level that feels right for them, and to use supervision to process any personal material that arises.

Trainer Biography:

Lohani Noor is a psychotherapist, trainer, and clinical supervisor with extensive experience in psychosexual therapy, trauma, and working with complex relational presentations. She is the founder of Thirst, a training organisation dedicated to equipping clinicians with the skills to work with challenging and often misunderstood populations. Her approach is integrative, trauma-informed, and rooted in a deep commitment to clinical compassion alongside robust ethical practice. She draws on Transactional Analysis, somatic awareness, and critical masculinities theory to support therapists in expanding their clinical frame.